It's complicated

Today, my brother's mother (who is not my mother) starts her new kopitiam business in Damansara Jaya. So it is a little complicated!! How many times have I seen that on Friendsters profiles - It's COMPLICATED!! My life is complicated!

Maternal grandparents
First complication arose from my maternal grandparents side. I had written about this when I was blogging in Friendster, but since I have deleted that, I'll put that on record again. I have 3 Grandpas and 3 Grandmas just on my maternal side. Real grandpa had an arranged marriage in China - took one look at the bride on wedding day and went YUCKS!! Ran off to Malaya after that. Real Grandma had married in China and her husband passed away. She had 2 boys and 2 girls and we were not aware of the existence of these Uncles and Aunts with different surnames until 1990!.In olden China, if your husband is no longer around, you get bullied big time. So she also came to Malaya to escape the bullying, leaving her kids in the care of the Shen family. From that marriage to my real Grandpa, my mum and her brother were born. So technically, I now have 2 Grandmas and 2 Grandpas.

Well, real Grandma passed away when my mum was 13 or 14 and real Grandpa married again. And the third Grandma was also previously married, so that's how the complication of 3 Grandpas and 3 Grandmas came about. So my mum ended up with brothers and sisters named Shen and also another 5 brothers with the same surnames, but different mum.

My generation
At first there was only my sister and me when my biological father abandoned us when we were knee high to a grasshopper. He remarried and had a son - Eng Kit. So my life is little bit more complicated. But it is Eng Kit's turn to have more of the complications. His mum remarried and have 2 sons and 2 daughters. So Eng Kit now has a brother and sister with the same surnames and 4 other siblings with different surnames. Does that make his siblings my siblings?? I don't think so. And that is how the new kopitiam is being re-opened in Damansara Jaya by my brother's mother!

Adding to all these are a whole bunch of Uncles and cousins and at least 2 levels of generational relatives in China and Malaysia - from Foshan, Panyu to Serdang.

Wait a minute - I forgot my wife side of the complications. Her dad left 2 sons in China in Meixian (border area between Guangdong and Fujian) due to the cultural revolution. As a landlord, he would have been humiliated and killed if he had gone back. So he re-settled in Malaya with wife no. 2 and have 2 sons and a daughter from that union. So my in-law branch of the family is also complicated, as the first mother-in-law is still alive and well. We have visited them in Meixian in early 90s and the brother in law from China has also come to Malaysia to visit us.

And I am still trying to figure out the rest of my paternal side of the family tree. Unfortunately, the grandparents have already passed away and no one in the next generation seems to have any idea who has gone where and when. Only rumors of relatives in San Francisco and Singapore.

And my surname is Tham in Chinese, mis-spelt as Than in my birth cert and now I am using SAM TAM for my blogs. My cousins who are THAMs are also mis-spelt as HAM and TAM.

It's complicated!!