Men women relationships

I have never been one who can easily start relationships. I guess that with my background, I have never been one to easily trust anyone. I can relate to Mulder (X-files!! remember that show??) - TRUST NO ONE!! So people that I consider as friends are but a handful. But I do treat my friends good - as long as I think they are reciprocating. One thing my wife did notice is that I seem to have mostly closer lady friends than guy friends. I guess that I can blame that on my biological father.

A friend sent me the story at the end of this post which I thought was hilarious!! It is probably a reflection of the world we live in today. My manager's manager was relating a story of a fishing trip he made while he was visiting Malaysia. One of his friends in his late 50s had a sweet young thing (SYT) barely 20s hanging onto his arms throughout the trip and most times, both were behind closed doors and drawn curtains. Almost everyone else on the trip wanted to kill this guy because they would also liked to have a piece of similar action. Turns out this man was changing SYT from China every 6 months. After half a year, he would send them home happy and loaded with loads of money as he waits for the next SYT at the airport to fulfill his life. Many of these dragon girls had husbands waiting for them back home and to them, this is just a business transaction to earn a pretty penny.

If you travel to Shanghai, you can find many SYT draped on the arms of Lao Wai's. Many hope to strike it good and emigrate to where ever the Lao Wais came from. I personally know of one distant relative who married a Dragon girl when he was in his 40s and the girls just turned 20. Not that the age difference is a major issue. In many cases (Siti Nurhaliza and Datuk K?? or Catherine Zeta Jones with Michael Douglas??), if the relationship is based on financial security, then it could probably last. In this case, the thing going for this relative of mine was that he was an Australian citizen (Chinese). He was driving a taxi for a living in Australia. A few years later, despite a daughter, the Chinese woman dumped him, went back to China and got herself a younger man. She had her most prized possession - an Australian citizenship!!.

Just got to know of another case today. The brother of a friend was dumped by his wife of many years. They already had 2 kids. Main issue seems to be that the man was not bringing enough $$ home. Mind you, this woman"potong jalan" (i.e. cut the queue) when the man was dating someone else. Since she wanted this guy so much, she should have stuck by him through thick or thin. In many cases, the thick or thin part of the marriage vows seems to apply only to the man and not the woman. The moment many a man gets into financial difficulties, many, if not most of the women would desert them. That's a fact of life.

So I can certainly see the truth of that statement in the following email "So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!" Enjoy the story!! Many such girls exist in our midst.. Bet I am going to be killed by the girls in the office for my comments.

I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to Central Park West. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

* Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics: bars, restaurants, gyms.

* What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings.

* Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?

* Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain Jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?

* Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

* How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY.

Please hold your insults - I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

One guy replied (the funniest reply among the replies):

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation. With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic “pump and dump.” I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

close encounters of the spiritual; kind - part 4

To day is Saturday, the first day of the Muslim's Aidil Fitri (Eid in some countries). That's when they have completed one month of fasting and now celebrate in the new month of Syawal. Today, in the local newspaper, there was an article of a supposedly "haunted" mansion in Malaysia. See http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2007/10/13/nation/19164667&sec=nation . The accompanying photo in the news article sure makes the inside of that mansion eerie looking.


Which brings me to the topic of haunted buildings that I have encountered during my travels over the decades!!

The first one that rates a mention is a Government rest house in Tuaran, Sabah.More than a decade ago, I was studying for my Diploma in Management and exams were very close when I was assigned to install an instrument in the Agriculture Research Center (ARC) in Tuaran. Tuaran is located about 40km from Kota Kinabalu and the options to get to the site was Customer's transport (a 4 wheel drive which provides a simulation of a roller coaster without the sudden drops), Taxi (costs an arm and a leg because the driver will claim that he has to come back empty) or a public bus (which drops one off more than 1000m from the site). The customer offered the 4 wheel drive - which would take 1 hour commute each way. So as not to waste time in commute and afford myself more time to study and prepare for my upcoming exams, I asked the customer if they had a hotel in Tuaran itself.

Wonders of wonders - there was a Government rest house located just 100m from the ARC labs!! Another pleasant surprise - it only cost RM10 per night ( I was telling some people it was RM5, but checking on some records that I had kept on this visit - it was RM10). Dinner was a private arrangement between the landlady and myself - for RM5 per meal. Hey, I am not complaining. And I am sure my manager wasn't complaining either. So after work at the lab, I showed up at the rest house, got myself a spacious room, washed up and had dinner. After that, it was my books.

The room had only a small incandescent bulb (about 100 watts) hanging from the middle of the room. Due to the ever present squadrons of mosquitoes, the windows has a mosquito netting strapped over it. My bed was against the window and since the light bulb was in the middle of the room, I lying on the bed with my feet towards the window and the head towards the center of the room so that i can read my books in proper lighting.

Midway through my studies, I heard a series of very loud and deep breathing behind me - emanating from outside the window. I turned around, squinted my eyes and could not see anything. Of course not - how can one see anything past the mosquito netting!! So I switched off the light, pressed my nose against the mosquito net and looked real hard. Nope - nothing out there that I could make out in the darkness. I switched on the lights again. By this time, the deep breathing had stopped. But not for long. In a short while as I continued with my studies, it started up again. In desperation, i groaned " go away and leave me alone. I have no time for these" Whatever that was, it sure understood English. It stopped and I had a peaceful night.

Next morning, I asked the landlady if ...err.... she had heard of or experienced any "funny" things in the rest house. Darn it!! Shouldn't have asked her. " Oh yes, happens all the time. Sometimes, the lights will go on and off for no apparent reasons. On some mornings, she could hear the furniture being moved around - but nothing had physically moved!!" I scouted around and lo and behold - outside of my room was a small lane, beyond which was a hedge. And across that laid a CEMETERY!!. I must have attracted an inquisitive spirit during the night!! I have no issues with that. I stayed 2 more nights to complete my job before heading home.

Hotels are the next favourite haunts (pun intended) of such spirits. I have been sort of lucky in that most of the "haunting" did not happen to me directly. But my colleagues swear they have had real and frightening experiences in the following hotels

Four Wings Hotel, Bangkok. This hotel is located in one of the Soi (smaller roads) between Sukhumvit and Rama IV. The HP office (we were HP at that time) was located on Rama IV. So it only made sense to use this hotel as it was within walking distance of the hotel. A couple of my colleagues had stayed on the 7th floor and had related strange happenings in their rooms. They became so disturbed that they immediately requested for a change of rooms. Thereafter, none of our visitors to Bangkok were assigned rooms on the 7th floor!! One colleague reported hearing the mirror/glass break in the bathroom. He rushed in only to see that there was nothing happening. Another swears that he saw a figure of a woman sitting at the foot of his bed when he woke up. He blinked and the "figure" was gone.

Dai Ichi, Kichijoji. In the days when Agilent actually operated the LSCA business via Yokogawa, the sales office was headquarters in Mitaka. For convenience, we stayed at the Dai Ichi hotel in Kichijoji, one stop down from Mitaka on the Chuo line. Across the front of the hotel was a mortuary. I personally don't have issues with that, but I know of a few colleagues who felt so uncomfortable about this that they asked for a new room facing anywhere else but the morgue.

Equatorial Hotel, Penang. This particular hotel seems to have developed into an urban legend. So far, I have heard from various sources that the "haunting" always happened to a friend of a friend. Anyone knows any specifics?

Sheraton Langkawi. The Singapore/Malaysia/Thailand team decided to have a country meeting in Langkawi and chose the Sheraton Langkawi. This remains the only site that I am aware of where over a period of a few days, multiple rooms and people experienced happenings that can only be attributed to the spiritual encounters. One senior engineer related how he went to the bathroom and had dropped his room card on the floor. Since that part of the washroom was dry, he thought he would pick it up after finishing up what he intended to do when he went to the bathroom. After his bath, he was surprised that his room card was placed on the dressing table. He is sure no one came into the room when he was bathing.

Another saw a pack of playing cards fly across his face - but there was no cards on the floor after that!! One of the managers laughed off the tales and regretted it pretty quickly - that night, his heavy wooden bed shaked and rattled. Next morning try as they might, it was difficult to make the bed shake. One of the team members claimed to have the gift of the third eye. When he went to this room, he claims that there was a spirit sitting on the edge of the bed. And so, for the duration of their stay, everybody relocated their rooms and buddied up, i.e. shared rooms. When they asked the receptionist to changed the rooms and told her why - her immediate response was " strange!! normally those are NOT the rooms affected""

You go figure!

Close encounters of the spiritual kind- part 3

Today is Wednesday. Since early 2007, I have been having regular teleconferences at night which starts most times at 10pm. Sometimes, the team is a little kinder to me and start at 9pm. If we are on time, the TC will finish by 11.30pm. If things drags on, it will be close to midnight before I get to call it a day. Why such late TCs, you may ask. Well, it's the Project Pongo meetings and the participants are based in California, Delaware, Germany and Malaysia. Most times I attend from the office as it has better connectivity and my phone has a hands free bluetooth. So far, I have not had any goosebumps or eerie feelings staying in so late in the office - not like my next rambling tales of things that goes bump in the.........

Every year, without fail, many Government organizations will find that they have money in the kitty for last minute purchases for the calendar year. They will tender for instruments, expect them to be delivered at the beginning of December and we need to complete the installations by mid December - or the order can be cancelled!! Some years, there will be a bumper order that requires each engineer to have 3 pair of hands, 2 heads and no sleep in order to complete the installation schedules. Or- they negotiate to work nights to get the job completed.

One such occasion happened to me more than a decade ago. I arranged to complete the installation of Gas Chromatographs in the Chemistry Department, starting at 6pm. This was the year when we had an issue with too much pesticide on the greens being sold. To overcome the public outcry arising from that, the Chemistry Department had to screen lots and lots of vegetables. The lab looked more like a kitchen than a lab. You have carrots, choy sam, pak choy, cucumbers, chillies (capsicums) and a host of other vegetables strewn all over being prepared for pesticide residue tests.

I arrived at 6pm as scheduled, started preparing the lab bench for installation of a couple of Gas Chromatographs and at about 7pm, went back to the car to get more tools. From the lab to my car was a long narrow corridor. These was the days when the Chemistry Department operated from the older pre-war bunkers, now since torn down. As I walked back from my car to the lab, I swear that I saw a "person" in a white lab coat at the end of the corridor. I was thinking to myself - why in the world is my customer wearing his lab coat after office hours? As I approached the figure, it turned to the right (which was a dead end as the connecting gate was closed). As I reach that end - I looked around and the "person" was nowhere to be seen!! I walked in the lab and lo and behold, there was my customer, in street clothes, happily reading the newspaper!! I confirmed with him that he was nowhere near the corridor in the past hour!!. You go figure.

On another occasion, on another late night sojourn in the Chemistry Department labs, I finished my work at close to midnight, packed up my stuff and started walking out of the lab with another chemist. Both of us heard footsteps behind us as we walked. My goosebumps popped up!! We gave each other a knowing glance, kept quiet and continued walking. Once we got to the car park, both of us looked back - there was no one behind us, and there shouldn't be as this was already close to midnight!!. We shrugged our shoulders and drove off. This was around the time when there was a rash of deaths in Perak attributed to Loh Shee Fun (a type of noodle) that was purportedly contaminated with boric acid. Only the very old and very young succumbed. Those in between would have severe stomach aches coupled with fevers and diarrhoea. Their stomach and parts of the body like liver and kidneys were removed and stored in a refrigerator in Chemistry Department for toxin screening. We had walked past the refrigerator on our way out. I guess, it may have been "someone" looking for their stomachs!!

On another occasion, the pesticide lab was having some recurrent problems. One of the instruments would fail every few days. When I go to the site and test the instrument, it would behave itself. I get back to the office, within a few hours, a call will come in. Finally the chemist confided in me that she thought some mischievous spirits was disturbing the lab. She sometimes felt like someone was watching over her shoulder when there was no one there. She ended up placing a mirror in front of her desk so as not to be caught unawares in case someone sneaks up on her. It so happened that I had read somewhere that a picture with scenes of mountains and water (like lakes) would placate such spirits. So happened that I had a calendar that had such scenes and I offered them to the chemist. She had them framed up and hung in the lab and would you believe it - no more intermittent problems!!

More than 2 decades ago, there was a murder in the Bangsar district of Kuala Lumpur. A British engineer working in KL had slain his Kenyan wife after finding her cheating on him when he was working. The Kenyan woman had been chopped into multiple parts and the body parts stuffed into one of those large wooden chest that the couple had. When the police arrived after the neighbours called them in, they were faced with blood all over the walls, pieces of body parts in the chest and a meek Britisher giving himself up. The body parts were sent to a coroner, the wooden chest was sent to Chemistry Department and the man to the police lockup. As the chest was evidence in a murder case, the chest was locked up in the evidence room of Chemistry Department. Next morning, the night guard hurriedly told the lab director to test what ever they had brought in the previous night and get it out of the evidence room!! Apparently, for the whole night, he could hear someone banging on the door of the evidence room from the INSIDE!!. There isn't a live soul INSIDE the room.

One more tale before I end this entry. Almost a decade ago, the Chemistry Department decided to tear down the older building structures from which they had been operating. Most of the labs were housed in military styled bunkers from pre-war days. So they build a new Forensic building (which can be seen from MPPJ if you are around the area). One day, one of the lab staff decided to stay a little later than usual to complete his work. The office closes at 4.15pm on most days. When the guard was making his rounds at about 6pm or so, he found the lab staff in a gibbering vegetative state. They called in the local bomoh (local spiritual doctor) and he said that the man probably bumped into a wandering spirit that scared the bejeebers out of him.

Moral of the story - don't stay too late in the Chemistry Department buildings. You never know what you will meet.

Close encounters of the spiritual kind- part 2

Ah.....more of the things that goes bump in the night. Except that for today's entries, I will also relate about things that can also go bump in the day!!

The first house I bought was in Taman Melawati - located within a former rubber estate. Good ground conditions, since the land was not ex-mining land nor was it reclaimed by filling up a lake or something.It was a cozy little place that was freehold and cost me only RM43,500 (about US$20K) at that time in 1981!! It was very close to the Klang Gates dam and surrounded by limestone rock formations. This was a double storey terraced (or some people call it linked) house with a land area of 18 ft by 70 ft.

I furnished the living room with a rattan set consisting of a 3 seater and 4 single seaters with a glass top table. I bought that house with a RM28,200 loan from the bank and the rest I had to get from savings and loans from Friends!! What would I have done without Friends!! Relatives - don't depend on them. One aunt we approached even had the cheek to tell us -"ah.. if only you had asked me yesterday. Today, I have problems even in doing my marketing" My Friends loaned me the money I needed interest free!! God bless the late Mr. Yong Wan Po for he was instrumental in helping me secure a large part of the cash I needed.

I stayed in that cozy house for 10 years before upgrading to the current house in Taman Midah. And in all that time, my wife and I had always had a strange experience whenever we took an afternoon nap on the 3 seater sofa in the living room. We would doze off and sometime during the sleep cycle, we have experienced a strange sensation of feeling that there were other people around us, busy going about their own business. Try as we might, we just could not get our eyes opened to see what we could hear. The Cantonese says the feeling is like what one can described as being pinned down by the devil (bei kuai chak). I still remember one recurrent scene where it seems that I was in the middle of a very busy market scene with people going and coming. Bicycles were common in that scene as I could hear the bicycle bells ringing to get people out of the way. I could visualize the scene in my mind - very surreal, but could never never open my eyes to SEE the scene. After fighting against whatever that was that was pinning us down, we would wake up in cold sweat.

What had happened? I have no idea. But it occurs almost every time we napped on that sofa.

Before I continue, let me share with you a restaurant which can uplift your spirits!!. The restaurant is located in PJ New Town, near to MPPJ and sells Seafood Porridge. That's right - porridge!! And it costs about RM40 for 3 persons and about RM52 for 4. Did I just hear someone say - wow, so expensive!!. I tell you, it's worth it. They have chunky fish, crabs meat, lala (bivalves clams), big prawns, scallops and a taste that is superlative. Want to know EXACTLY where that it?? Treat me and I'll take you there. Haha!! They also have a stall next to it selling pretty good Lobak. Come on - I've treated enough of you guys - time to give me a lunch treat once in a while.

Anyway, back to things that goes bump in the...... Since young, I have always believed that I could sense spirits, especially the more disturbed ones. I have gone to wakes where I can feel that the newly departed had passed on peacefully and then there are some who seems to have unfinished business and is still hanging around. I also knew enough not to tell too many people of this as it seems to elicit the strangest reactions from them. When my Father-in-law passed away, I could feel that he was at peace with himself. He must have accomplished all that he wanted and moved on peacefully.

2 years ago, one of my Friend's father passed away from a cancer relapsed. He too exuded a peaceful aura. He had been fighting the relapse for almost a year and in the end, was prepared to meet his maker. He waited 3 days for his immediate family to be home before going. In one of the older episodes of CSI (the Vegas version), Gruesome Grissom did a soliloquy towards the end. He wished that he would die of cancer, so that he has the time to prepare for the end. This was the episode where Brass was fighting for his life in hospital, after having been shot in a previous episode. I guess that would be an alternative to meeting one's end suddenly (like today's news headlines of 5 Friends who met their end in a head on collision with a truck)!

I was not at my paternal grandma's funeral (I was in Japan) nor was I at my biological father's funeral (in Shanghai), so I don't know if they felt at peace. But I do remember one colleague who invited us to her house for Chinese New Year many many years ago. When I entered her house, I could feel a chill from a corner of her stairways. It turns out her mum had passed away quite recently and maybe that was her spirit that I felt. But it was a cold, eerie and uncomfortable feeling. And the house was brightly lit. So whatever I felt must have had some unfinished unaccomplished business on this plane of existence.

Places I visit tends to either give me a comfortable feeling or a very eerie feelings that can cause goosebumps for unexplained reasons. I am sure many people have had a goose bumpy kind of feeling whenever they approach a particular exhibit in the National Museum. The exhibit that I am referring to is the mock up of the Malacca Nyonya marriage chamber. Most of the other exhibits do not give me goosebumps but that one elicits a very strong reaction from my senses.

National Museum visit anyone??

Martina McBride's Anyway

Sometimes, as one listen to the radio when one is driving to work, one find a gem amongst the thrash that the station dishes out. I have heard this song a few times, each time trying to catch the lyrics and each time, finding it more meaningful. I have seen reviews that contends that the song was based on a poem by Mother Teresa called "Do it Anyway"

I personally find this song is, in a large part, a testimony of my life. And I would like to share the lyrics and the songs here with you

Martina McBride

Anyway lyrics
You can spend your whole life building
Something from nothing
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

[chorus]
God is great,
but sometimes life ain't good
When I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This worlds gone crazy
and it's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
And in a moment they can choose to walk away
love 'em anyway
You can pour your soul out singing a song u believe in
but tomorrow they will forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway!
Yeah I sing,
i dream,
i love anyway!